Hello from Hong Kong, as I sit in my little flat in Jordan. Having decided that a party boat trip organised wasn't where I wanted to be today, at 2:20pm I am sat here. My family are coming to visit a little later, and I am extremely excited! My grandma who I have not had the chance to see in over a month, and my aunties in uncles in a long long time.
So upon coming here, I knew that I was ready. After what I would almost call a fail in Rabat, I was ready for my next adventure, one where I was fully able to immerse myself in a culture that I had the perfect amenities to adjust to. I was excited, heading onto the 12 hour flight by myself was daunting, but I am not a child anymore. What just one week has made me realise is, we as individuals should never feel we are missing out on anything. Upon this years journeys through different countries, I have found myself more willing to be alone. From the age of 15 I have not had this opportunity, becoming 15 I entered an extremely long relationship, 3 1/2 years to be exact, and then a few months here and there with the same person. Upon leaving this relationship, I was once again thrust into a situation where I was spending time with another person almost 24/7. Until now I never realised how exhausting it is to spend every single waking moment with other people. I used to feel like I needed to plan every waking moment, in making sure I wasn't alone for any ONE moment. I never wanted to spend time alone, I never left any room in my life. Silence did not cut it. I did not want to feel like I was missing out. When in actual fact I was missing out on myself, I never took time for me, to think, to feel and to do anything that enriched my mental state. The feeling of being alone to me was lonely. 5 years later, sometimes I still find myself falling into this trap of feeling "left out" if I do not attend events organised, and then there are times where I do feel alone. But, from all those years of feeling like I needed to be busy, be with people I've realised that I like being alone and it is not lonely, I get to do what I please, and at the pace I decide. Of course, I almost do always go to events planned, for example in this week of arriving in HK, I have stayed at home for 1 evening! That is after returning home from work from 10am till 6:30pm, only once did I decide to stay in.
I love social events, I love talking to people and I love meeting new people. I like a drink here and there, I like to going to bars and clubs, I like shopping, I love eating out, and above all I like doing all those things with my friends and family. But in the middle of all of that, I like to readjust my emotions and just be myself for a little.
Credit: Somewhere on Tumblr..
I find it completely okay to be by yourself, decide that you do not want to attend certain events, and events that just are not for you. Do not ever feel like you are missing out, because what is another boat party going to do for you? Nothing more than all the others did. What will you miss from just one dinner with everybody? Probably nothing.
So in all these years of trying to squeeze everything into a schedule, I just need some time to be by myself, to not have to talk to anybody I do not wish to, to not have to see those I do not wish to. It is empowering, and it makes it ever more special when you see and speak to people, because you chose to; not because you felt pressured to. You will only ever feel lonely if you do not like your own company, so love it, embrace it; because I promise you will love it, more than you would have ever imagined.
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