Blogtober #30

Blogtober #30: Facts About You

So it was never specified how many facts you should give. So maybe I'll give 5.

1. I am an introvert as much as I am an extrovert. 

If I am in my room, I am displaying my introverted side, so please leave me in my peace. I just don't wish to speak at this moment. If I am not answering your messages, it is because I cannot be bothered to talk. I don't need to talk to you every minute, of every day, updating you on essentially nothing.

And yet I am an extrovert, I enjoy peoples company, I enjoy meeting up with my friends, making new friends, exploring new places, leaving the comfort of my home. Chatting shit, I can do that. 

2. I am an extremely happy person. It is quite difficult to get under my skin. 

I have been told this on many occasions. Unless you say something TERRIBLE about my family or friends I probably won't have any strong/ill feelings towards you. I don't hold grudges because I forgive quickly, and forget even quicker. 

3. I enjoy driving

I don't enjoy wasting my petrol, so if you want to go somewhere offer up those pennies. I enjoy driving but not being your chauffeur.

4. Sometimes I find myself feeling lonely

By lonely I mean I am missing out on one type of relationship. I have friends and my family, but not another half. So sad, but so true, but then I flick out of it when I remember why I am still single.

Because it is goddam FREEDOM. I go wherever I want when I want, talk to whomever, see whomever and not worry about anybody else, and being in full control of my feelings. 

5. I am very conservative

I may not dress like the most conservative (not that I dress slutty with my boobs out, butt out, thong showing, tightest clothes either) but my personality is very conservative. I find self respect a very important thing. Knowing what you want, from who is also very important. 

I choose, and sometimes I don't choose wisely but I weigh out the pros and cons and don't just think FUCK IT, it's only kissing or it's only sex. 

It means something to me at the end of the day, and I respect me enough to not just give myself away. I also respect the guy enough to show him my interest and disinterest in him. 

I just think this image is quite cool. I mean, it is something we think about when we meet a person, but never really think about. After learning facts about somebody you are also sure to judge them, asking questions in your head like "are you awesome?'. It is cute, funny and accurate all at the same time. 

Reflective Saturdays #5

Hello from Hong Kong, as I sit in my little flat in Jordan. Having decided that a party boat trip organised wasn't where I wanted to be today, at 2:20pm I am sat here. My family are coming to visit a little later, and I am extremely excited! My grandma who I have not had the chance to see in over a month, and my aunties in uncles in a long long time. 

So upon coming here, I knew that I was ready. After what I would almost call a fail in Rabat, I was ready for my next adventure, one where I was fully able to immerse myself in a culture that I had the perfect amenities to adjust to. I was excited, heading onto the 12 hour flight by myself was daunting, but I am not a child anymore. What just one week has made me realise is, we as individuals should never feel we are missing out on anything. Upon this years journeys through different countries, I have found myself more willing to be alone. From the age of 15 I have not had this opportunity, becoming 15 I entered an extremely long relationship, 3 1/2 years to be exact, and then a few months here and there with the same person. Upon leaving this relationship, I was once again thrust into a situation where I was spending time with another person almost 24/7. Until now I never realised how exhausting it is to spend every single waking moment with other people. I used to feel like I needed to plan every waking moment, in making sure I wasn't alone for any ONE moment. I never wanted to spend time alone, I never left any room in my life. Silence did not cut it. I did not want to feel like I was missing out. When in actual fact I was missing out on myself, I never took time for me, to think, to feel and to do anything that enriched my mental state. The feeling of being alone to me was lonely. 5 years later, sometimes I still find myself falling into this trap of feeling "left out" if I do not attend events organised, and then there are times where I do feel alone. But, from all those years of feeling like I needed to be busy, be with people I've realised that I like being alone and it is not lonely, I get to do what I please, and at the pace I decide. Of course, I almost do always go to events planned, for example in this week of arriving in HK, I have stayed at home for 1 evening! That is after returning home from work from 10am till 6:30pm, only once did I decide to stay in. 

I love social events, I love talking to people and I love meeting new people. I like a drink here and there, I like to going to bars and clubs, I like shopping, I love eating out, and above all I like doing all those things with my friends and family. But in the middle of all of that, I like to readjust my emotions and just be myself for a little. 

Credit: Somewhere on Tumblr..

I find it completely okay to be by yourself, decide that you do not want to attend certain events, and events that just are not for you. Do not ever feel like you are missing out, because what is another boat party going to do for you? Nothing more than all the others did. What will you miss from just one dinner with everybody? Probably nothing. 

So in all these years of trying to squeeze everything into a schedule, I just need some time to be by myself, to not have to talk to anybody I do not wish to, to not have to see those I do not wish to. It is empowering, and it makes it ever more special when you see and speak to people, because you chose to; not because you felt pressured to. You will only ever feel lonely if you do not like your own company, so love it, embrace it; because I promise you will love it, more than you would have ever imagined.