Chiang Mai

Chiang Mai again was intense. The second biggest city in Thailand. I should really do some research before I go to these places... but actually it was fun to hear and learn about the place whilst I was there. My friends who acted as my tour guides, so extremely proud of their city and made it even more fun for me.

I know, elephant riding. Nobody shoot me, it was just one of those experiences they took me too. I can't lie, it was fun but sad to see the elephants had hooks attacking them. The man tried to assure me he was using them to kill flies, what can I say I'm naive, later I read that it is clearly not the case. The elephants seemed so loyal, listening to their every word :(

One of my favourite past times - coffee time! I love that Asia has these cute little inspirational quotes everywhere, can you tell I'm a sap?

Overlooking the whole of Chiang Mai on our way up to the temple. How beautiful it all is and the weather was crazy good.

My favourite photo throughout my whole camera roll. This dog with eyebrows, this DOG has drawn on eyebrows..

HAHAHAHA, I look like such a dork. I don't know how to smile for photos, I'm not a "let me take a picture in front of the.." kind of person. They forced me to do this - and you can tell what an awkward turtle I always am :(

And guess what? They have a cat cafe in Chiang Mai, so we obviously had to go. Thank god these kitties were friendly than those Japanese ones. This cat cafe was loaded with them too, this moody one in particular was my favourite, just look at that grumpy face.

Chiang Mai night safari, I didn't actually capture any good photos during that evening. I mean I'm such an amateur photographer I don't even know how to adjust my camera for night time mode.

Finally on my final evening I manage to make it on a night out - with people who had been sleeping in the bunk next to me for 3 days who I hadn't spoken a word to. Turns out we get on like a house on fire and the rest of the night was history. Chiang Mai was a beautiful little getaway, besides the overbearing humidity and being eaten by gnats, it was a good change from Japan. It was now onto the next and final destination!

Happiness

In keeping with the upbeat posts, I thought I would post some of the happiest times over the last couple of years. A lot has changed over the last 3 years, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten any of them or not grateful for them and it still makes me happy to think of these times.

 Prom was one of those things that you expect to be 100x better than it actually will be, and it definitely was the case with us. Sure it was pretty, but the atmosphere, music, drinks was all kind of bland. It still makes as one of those special happy moments I hold though, because of the people and just the bittersweet goodbye in general.

 Just this photo reminds me of why my family are so stupid, unphotogenic and just ridiculous in general. It makes me happy to remind myself how we make each other laugh over stupid things in general.

Happy moments exploring different places, this was in Venice, I was particularly happy at this moment, because it was probably the only part of the trip where I felt happy. Makes for a funny story I assure you.

Christmas gatherings with people I've known since I was 11 years old. A big fat roast is a good memory too. It is always awesome to see these people when I am home, especially when we are all together, and just catching up about life and the different directions we all take.

Another photo that reminds me of the bittersweet goodbye of a place we spent so many years. These people are the people I spent the last year playing card games with, being silly and just talking rubbish, working together and basically spending the majority of my time with. Definitely a happy memory.

First road trip away with the girls, clearly you can see how happy we are. Sarcasm. However it was a good road trip, despite the little bumps along the road, not literally.

Los Angeles, what can I say. One of the best weeks of my life for sure. The rigorous plan of LA made it all the better, the scheduling and the places we went just made it less stress and just an enjoyable experience.

Spending the summer working. Doesn't sound like the most fun, until you get to meet people like these who I spent the majority of the summer with, dining out, sight seeing, meeting new people, bars, clubs. Just a whirlwind experience.

Korea. Need I say more after all those blogposts I've made.

These people who made my University journey a whole lot easier. Most of them have left now that I am in my final year, it is so sad to see them moving on with life, but at the same time so happy. Looking at this photo reminds me of all the happy times dining out with them (because that is all they ever wanted to do haha)

Sometimes we all just need some time to look through old photos and smile, remind us of the happy times we all spent together. Even though so much has changed it can still remind you of the happiness in that moment, and how much better it can get from here.

Conflicting Personality

As mentioned in a previous blog post, I have a very conflicting personality. This was kind of reaffirmed to me today after having a little supervision from my volunteer manager. Just a little quiz to show you what kind of person you are, I came out with the results of being orange and gold, which are conflicting personality types. One being spontaneous, vivacious and fun, and the other being more centred, organised and timely.
I'm not sure that having a conflicting personality is either a good or bad thing. I can think of a few times where my mind constantly flips from the orange and gold side.
For example in love and personal relationships (physical), I find myself sometimes thinking like the orange and telling myself, let's just do it, do what you what, you're an adult, a free adult that should be able to have fun and just enjoy yourself, and fall for that person, let your feelings out. Then I will have the conflicting gold personality coming out questioning my actions, and so those orange actions never come to light. Simple things of this sort.
Then there are other times where the orange will be most dominant. The purchase of possessions, the purchase of plane tickets, the decisions to go on holiday when I have a ton of work to do, the decision to go to a completely unknown country. The orange personality will be so overpowering I will just do it. I say yes, and then it isn't until the time comes that my gold personality will reflect and realise I may have made a huge mistake. It is in times like this where I can learn to overcome the things I fear, learn my strengths and weaknesses, and learn what things I am not ready for. There are downsides to the overpowering orange personality type, it normally means impulse, impulse means a loss of a fair amount of money, fair amount of time, and sometimes doing things for others rather than myself.
Workwise, the gold can be very helpful, it can help me become focused and work, but then the orange will creep back up on me and decide another task looks more exciting. Therefore putting more on my plate, and gold personality types hate too much on their plate. See the conflicting issues here?

There are a lot of personality tests out there, and if you just so happen to have some time, maybe give it a go. It really gives an insight into yourself, and possibly help with your personal life as well as work. The one we used is a colour based one, but I am sure there are plenty.
So maybe learn a little about yourself today just as I did :)

Learning to Love University

There are times when University gets tough. Being in a completely different place to home is daunting and frightening, learning to navigate the town, the people. The people may not be the type of people you've known back home, and they sure as hell will differ from the array of international students you will meet. University isn't all it's made up to be all the time, there will be boring days sat by yourself watching Dexter on repeat, days you'll be doing this with your housemates, days you will be stuck in the library doing work, pointless days walking around campus laughing with your friends, eating dinner out every night can even be a bit much.
But there is also a bright side to the very different experiences you will get from University.

• Those times when you are so bored in your room whilst everybody else seems to be frantically trying to meet their deadlines. Cherish these times because it might be the only alone time you'll get, the other nights they might be trying to persuade you out, or eat dinner with them, or just to simply entertain them. 
• Times when you yourself are bombarded with deadlines. It might be the only time you actually feel busy at University, make the most of it, because it most likely counts, and that £9000 you're paying, you'll be glad you had something to answer for it.
• Those horrible people you meet. That you can also forget and never see again if you don't want to, sure you might bump into them, but a little hello never hurt anybody. You'll realise how much you can tolerate people, and how good your temper actually is. Good practice for the working world I hear.
• The dirty kitchen, toilets and rooms. You'll finally learn to take care of yourself, after days of not having cutlery to use, after the bins are so filled you are having to move around THEM. The dishes you or your housemate didn't wash start to smell, this when you learn and start to appreciate home comforts and looking forward to moving out, and the only time you are looking to University to finish.
• So many people and opinions. You learn to take criticism like a real boss, you also learn to give it to. A little bit of constructive criticism goes a long way, even if sometimes you have to mentally re-word their harsh words into becoming "constructive". 
• Never ending invitations to society events/fundraising events/house parties/club nights. You learn what things to prioritise and which things are just a load of b***. You're major sense of FOMO also decreases by miles! Lord knows it is tiering if you are still suffering from FOMO during your final year of University.

All of these things can be seen as a negative, but actually things are pretty sweet when you're a student. All this extra time to either sleep, study, watch television, exercise, eat, or actually be productive with your life. It is endless. At the start it can be difficult missing familiar people, places, foods and smells, but it definitely gets better. Change is good. 

Peace

It has been said a million times before and we are always striving for something more, we always want something somebody else has, and we forgot what we have once made us happy, and can still continue to make us happy. I try to be happy all the time, even if I am a little stressed or feeling a little alone, or feeling a tad upset I just try to hide it, because it will burden other people. I know a burden shared is a burden halved, but at the end of the day you have still passed it on. And I truly believe I don't have that much missing from my life.

Sure there are things that get me a little down, like my appearance, or sometimes I'm not with somebody who I can be with 24/7 or console to, and sometimes whether I am doing good enough in my work, or whether my family are okay back at home, or my sisters are happy. But with all of these things I can ALWAYS find the positive side. 

I've told some of my friends this where positivity and happiness is something you think about, and I think they kind of shrug it off, as if just changing the way you think and your outlook won't help them at all. When it has been proven to do so, so many times before. Most of the times we just need to be thankful for what we do have, the people, the possessions and our ability to reflect on all this. 

I have a major case of FOMO (fear of missing out), or I used to anyways, but it still lurks within me. And I think it is always because I don't want to miss out on anything, and I don't even know why. It is during stages of fomo where I dip in and out of positivity and I find myself being negative and weary of my decisions, and it sucks, because I shouldn't have to compare myself to what everybody else is doing or experiencing. If I want to do it, and if I believe it will be fun or enriching I should go and do out, but it has turned into things like weekly clubbing, and that sucks that I compare myself in terms of what I am doing, where I am going with my friends, and how often.
And the quote above just highlights exactly what I want to tell myself everyday. It presents my pessimistic side, and yet always finding the positive.
I hope for everybody that this is the case eventually.

Finding Motivation

Finding Motivation
It's the 8th week into the 1st term of the 3rd year at University. I know a lot of people are at this same stage in life. I also know there are several people also lacking motivation just like me.
You somehow start off term so excited, so eager, so ready.
For me it was early mornings, library sessions everyday and reading everyday. That turned into several times a week to hardly a few days a week. It's difficult to keep yourself motivated when there aren't any formal deadlines. I am living proof.
There are however a few things I do to stay motivated.

1. Write down goals.
A lot of people say this, but genuinely I think it helps. A daily reminder of your goal (maybe it's writing an essay, doing exercise or drinking more water). When you write down these goals there is no way for you to avoid thinking about it.
Write it down where you can see it, post it note, notebook, phone notes, phone background.

2. Getting out of Bed
I find if you get out of bed early enough in the morning it just motivates and sets the tone for the day. The earlier you are awake, the less other people are, the less distractions there are. Especially in a student household. Wake up anytime before 10am, you're guaranteed to have the house to yourself and silence (if that is what you like). And yes getting out of bed is the hardest part, your alarm rings at 7am and you feel groggy and can't even seem to open your eyes. But once you roll out of bed and into the bathroom, you're instantly energised. I've recently been reading a book called "Find Your Happiness" and it is about a journey of a woman who took a few steps over a year to change her perceptions and actions to find her happiness. One of her goals was "act how you want to feel", so if you want to feel energised, get up and about, and you're almost, I say almost, guaranteed to be more energised.

3. Talk to People Who Motivate You
It's easy in a University environment to find people who can motivate you. Most people will have an end goal in sight, most probably a job. We are also all hoping to gain qualifications from this, and it is hugely motivating to find people going through the same thing as you. To talk about your goals, to talk about what you are doing on your journey. If your University friends aren't motivating, your home friends, your parents, your cousins. There is somebody. Maybe even those people who have supposedly "reached" their goals, talk to them, it is bound to make you feel more motivated.

4. Reading Blogs/Books About Motivation
I love reading things to do with anything, motivation, happiness, academic studies. It is my way of procrastinating when I'm not reading my formal work. There are lots of places to find motivational words if you don't wish to fork out on a book. BLOGS mostly, wherever you look there is motivation everywhere. Daily there is bound to be an established blogger writing about how they've been motivated, what they look for for motivation, and how they continue to be motivated. Give them a read. Places like Elite Daily and Thought Catalog are also great places for motivation for millennial's, and everything in between.

5. Dream 
Those few seconds for me before bed before I past out, I dream about my goals, and that mostly gives me motivation for the morning to roll out of bed. It almost always dictates my dreams durning my sleep too and makes it that little bit easier to get up.

I always find solace in a motivational quote too, and they are everywhere online.
So if you're a student, or anybody lacking in motivation right now, give these little things a try. If they don't help, don't do anything drastic to me please. Enjoy and hopefully it helps!

Blogtober #17

Blogtober #17: I'm an expert at...

Hiding my feelings. I find it very difficult to speak to people about my feelings, not because I am afraid but more because my problems are never big, we all suffer from sadness sometimes, and sometimes I just find it hard to comprehend that mine should be put before anybody elses. 

The other thing is, when I am around somebody I just feel instantly a little happier, no matter how bad my day has been, I can always forget about it for that instance I am with another person. 

My mind just gets taken off it, and I remember how lucky I am, to have these people and my life.

It is so simple.

But to be honest I am actually not an expert at anything.

Here's a little reminder for the middle of the month. Remember you are lucky. 

Blogtober #15

Blogtober #15: Favourite Quote and Why

This is probably my favourite quote, because it is so relevant to all of us. What people think of you shouldn't matter, and those that actually matter probably don't think anything of that silly rap song you just made up in 2 seconds, or that dance that makes you look ridiculously silly. 

What makes it one of my favourites is that it is still so relevant, whenever I read it it is still a little reminder to myself that I shouldn't mind. 

I had so many more quotes that it was so difficult to pick one.

What is your favourite quote and why?

Blogtober #7

Blogtober #7 Best/Worst Vacation:

Best Vacation:

 I would say my best vacation was the one I had last year, lengthy but not too long. 3 weeks I was with my family and also visiting friends. So it was a little of everything. It just made me very nostalgic and actually came at the perfect time. I needed some time away from England after a whirlwind year of changes and heading into my 2nd year of University I needed to just refresh my outlook on life. It was an amazing vacation, although I have been to Hong Kong plenty this was just a little extra special. I had time to reflect on myself and hang out with my family and friends as well as visiting all the places in Hong Kong that I had never seen before. It was fun and a nice little break.

It is always better when you are with your family and not having to pay for food too!

Worst Vacation:

This has got to be Venice. This was actually in the very same year. 2013. You are probably thinking I am crazy for not having a good experience here, however there were countless reasons. 

1. The weather, it was January so it was freezing cold (this however has its drawbacks as well as its benefits, we were told during the summer the canal gets super stinky!)

2. Personal problems, I just came to Venice with the wrong person, it would have been the right person at a different stage in our life but in that moment we were not the same as we had been before. Sometimes you can be with someone who you loved so much trying everything you can to rekindle it, but actually everything is not enough.

3. The food was just not my kind of food. As a foodie I love anything meaty, a protein type of girl, not carbs all the time. 

So overall, I don't think vacations can ever be so bad unless you are with the wrong person/people, so choose wisely who you spend your getaway relaxing time with. 

Reflective Saturdays #7

Turning 20 did not seem very significant, in fact it seemed like the least significant age I have turned so far. The partying was all for the sake of a party, and the birthday meals all for the sake of meeting up with everybody. But as I have matured into a 20year old, it seems that 20 was quite significant. For the first time I have not felt home sick. Sure I miss home, sure I have had days where I have felt and told people that I miss my family, the weather, my car; but after each of these little speeches I am over it. That short pang of missing my family and England just goes away. 

I have found that despite only being half way through 20, I have matured in more ways than one. I am more emotionally mature, I find myself being able to control my emotions more, if people hurt me I know to control my emotions enough not to hurt them back. I understand that being with somebody means giving them your all, your time, your emotions and your physical being. I find myself controlling  how I interact with people. The biggest step I have had to make, from my perspective anyways.

To expand on this issue I will start with my years growing up. 

As a girl I have always grown up with a big family, so people everywhere. Meaning I was always thrown into situations with a lot of people. But always with people I already were familiar with. My cousins growing up were some of my best friends, so we basically did everything together. This left me feeling very comfortable, but ONLY when I was with somebody I knew. As the years went by and as we grew up we needed to be apart at some point. The time came when we separated for secondary school. There I was on the first day of school, in A BIG SECONDARY SCHOOL all alone. Without my best friends from Junior school with me, without my cousins. Just me. I was shy. Very shy, so shy to the point where I would sit and have crisps in the locker room everyday, sit in the library every day during lunch and break time. Until I made friends of course, even then it did not help with my ultra shy nature. My shy nature did not help when I was very much the nice nice girl, the girl who was too nice, the one who would always say yes. That was me growing up, the girl people either really liked or were indifferent too. I was never hated, and I never hated. Because I could never find a reason too, because I never spoke up for people to ever anger me, annoy me or make me upset. 

As the time at secondary drew to a close, I still found it difficult to speak to new people, and to just simply TALK. Talking about myself, my situations, my feelings I found especially difficult. Long story short, I did not change much in secondary school. So much of my time was spent with the same people it was hard to develop. 

Now that part of my life was finished, University approached. This was a total shock to the system. Thrown into an apartment with people I did not know, people in different classes and having to make a totally different life for myself in a new city. It was more difficult than I first expected. Home sick within the first few days, home within 5. I was only an hour away from home. What contributed to this was the fact I was in a long distance relationship. However I do not regret this, and it kind of shaped how I perceive relationships now. It was a good stepping stone. A stone I am quite happy to throw away. Although after this it was still difficult to open up to people, it took some time.

This leads me on to the most recent portion of my life, my longest period away from home. These 6 weeks have really allowed to flourish, to talk to everybody. Whether they will be a part of my future is not is irrelevant, but whether you take the first step to talk to them or not is the easiest part. Developing that further is the hard part. Without the first leap you will never know whether they were supposed to be part of your life or not.

This journey has taken me through some pretty cool highs, and surprisingly little lows. The home sickness never kicked in. So here is looking to the future, but saying goodbye to some good friends made on this journey.. for now!

Reflective Saturdays #6

Sometimes the people you meet in life despite being with you for such a short period of time can make such a big difference. They can make years of friendship in comparison to weeks of friendship into similar things. The people you meet on your journey change you in some shape or form. The people I meet on a night out affect my way of thinking, in some way. The people I see on the streets place a role in how I see the world around me. 

Having been to Hong Kong on several occasions I don't think I expected it to alter my thoughts about my many things. I didn't think I'd meet the people I met, I didn't realise how valuable these few weeks would be. I've met people from around the globe, people who have moved across the globe for work, people who simply came to party, people who came to explore. The people you meet in places like Hong Kong is an endless variety. It also makes you realise how small the world really is, how people are so linked together with all the people we meet. 

Once you've met these wide variety of people you realise people talk to just talk. It matters what you say, but not all the time. It matters what you say if you are saying something hurtful, it matters when it is not the truth; but other than that talk is for fun, which is why language to so many people is a fun learning curve. Me being one of them, language is so enjoyable, it allows you to have a little laugh when you do not want to talk about a serious subject. Just a little giggle about the differences of how people speak, the accents people have or the way people pronounce words. 

All in all, do not ever be afraid to talk, there is no loss in speaking to that person first. In most cases they are probably waiting for you too, thinking the same thing. If they do not want to talk they will probably make it obvious in the first encounter. So then what have you lost? Nothing, if anything you would have lost time thinking about what if. So in other words, without sounding like a nike advert, JUST DO IT.

If you want to speak to somebody, just do it.

If the situation might be awkward, so what? just do it.

You never know, the people you meet in that situation and the conversations you have may change you for the better. The people you meet through one conversation with a single new person may lead to countless opportunities and exciting new direction in your life. 

Reflective Saturdays #5

Hello from Hong Kong, as I sit in my little flat in Jordan. Having decided that a party boat trip organised wasn't where I wanted to be today, at 2:20pm I am sat here. My family are coming to visit a little later, and I am extremely excited! My grandma who I have not had the chance to see in over a month, and my aunties in uncles in a long long time. 

So upon coming here, I knew that I was ready. After what I would almost call a fail in Rabat, I was ready for my next adventure, one where I was fully able to immerse myself in a culture that I had the perfect amenities to adjust to. I was excited, heading onto the 12 hour flight by myself was daunting, but I am not a child anymore. What just one week has made me realise is, we as individuals should never feel we are missing out on anything. Upon this years journeys through different countries, I have found myself more willing to be alone. From the age of 15 I have not had this opportunity, becoming 15 I entered an extremely long relationship, 3 1/2 years to be exact, and then a few months here and there with the same person. Upon leaving this relationship, I was once again thrust into a situation where I was spending time with another person almost 24/7. Until now I never realised how exhausting it is to spend every single waking moment with other people. I used to feel like I needed to plan every waking moment, in making sure I wasn't alone for any ONE moment. I never wanted to spend time alone, I never left any room in my life. Silence did not cut it. I did not want to feel like I was missing out. When in actual fact I was missing out on myself, I never took time for me, to think, to feel and to do anything that enriched my mental state. The feeling of being alone to me was lonely. 5 years later, sometimes I still find myself falling into this trap of feeling "left out" if I do not attend events organised, and then there are times where I do feel alone. But, from all those years of feeling like I needed to be busy, be with people I've realised that I like being alone and it is not lonely, I get to do what I please, and at the pace I decide. Of course, I almost do always go to events planned, for example in this week of arriving in HK, I have stayed at home for 1 evening! That is after returning home from work from 10am till 6:30pm, only once did I decide to stay in. 

I love social events, I love talking to people and I love meeting new people. I like a drink here and there, I like to going to bars and clubs, I like shopping, I love eating out, and above all I like doing all those things with my friends and family. But in the middle of all of that, I like to readjust my emotions and just be myself for a little. 

Credit: Somewhere on Tumblr..

I find it completely okay to be by yourself, decide that you do not want to attend certain events, and events that just are not for you. Do not ever feel like you are missing out, because what is another boat party going to do for you? Nothing more than all the others did. What will you miss from just one dinner with everybody? Probably nothing. 

So in all these years of trying to squeeze everything into a schedule, I just need some time to be by myself, to not have to talk to anybody I do not wish to, to not have to see those I do not wish to. It is empowering, and it makes it ever more special when you see and speak to people, because you chose to; not because you felt pressured to. You will only ever feel lonely if you do not like your own company, so love it, embrace it; because I promise you will love it, more than you would have ever imagined. 

Reflective Saturdays #3

As summer has arrived the amount of free time I have to myself has increased significantly. No longer needing to focus my attention on work and people. This has given me time to look through some of my old favourites on the internet. Little gems like www.elitedaily.com and Thought Catalog. I've always loved reading, but as I've grown up my interest in reading fiction has diminished. It just makes so much sense to me, and so much more motivational when I read blog, pieces of writing from people who are a little more experienced. Those who have experienced things, travelled places, made mistakes. 

Though I don't ever think by reading these I will avoid mistakes, it just makes for an enjoyable read. 

One piece I read in particular is 10 of Life's Secrets That No One Told You.

One of the "secrets" that really stood out to me is: Your best friends will change and so will you.

I still acknowledge many of those around me as being my "best friends" and sometimes I wonder whether they think the same. However, I have also acknowledged that we are different. We aren't the same and we will never be. We will never be the 15 year olds who spent every day together, we won't work together, we won't date together and we won't get angry, upset and enjoy our summers together.

It's been difficult for me to acknowledge people as my best friends, it took me a while but something did change and I did start using the term "best friends".

As we've moved away from each other, I know that we are no longer surrounded by the same people; no longer study the same subjects, no longer talk every day. At the beginning it seemed difficult, I was so focused on keeping things together with a guy that I completely forgot how important it was to keep a long distant friendship together.

We still see each other when we return home, but it just isn't the same.

And I think people will always tell you that it is okay. At this point in our life we are different, different from each other and the old us. But that's okay, because we shared memories and we were happy. We're happy now, we have just connected with different people. We have also connected in a different way.

I still find you to be one of my closest friends, I find you inspiring and motivational when I really need it in my life. Your ambitious nature has encouraged me to thrive and experience. So if one day we meet on a path much like our old one, I will embrace it and know that I will enjoy it as much as our last journey. But for now, I appreciate that we are in each others lives, even if we are going on different journeys with different people.

We can sometimes forget about those who are still so close to our side, the peoples who's journeys crossed our paths and for all the others that will continue to be with us.

So I'll love the memories we've had, hope for me, but know that people come into your life for a reason, and sometimes they leave for no reason at all, and you leave theirs without reason also. Whoever they may be, you will continually love them, especially those who were your best friends. You'll love them eternally for just being them, for now or in the past.